#StandUP

Today I want to share about something that I know I am not alone in having gone through. But together, we can stop it from happening. I am talking about bullying.

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior between people that have a difference in power. It doesn't even have to be a real difference, if the people involved believe there is one. The difference can be size, or how people look, or their age, or how popular they think they are, or anything, really. Usually bullying is repeated but it can also be an event that could be repeated over a really long time not all the time, even if in a little bit different of a way. For example someone could push someone else and make fun of them really aggressively, and then the next time, they don't actually push them, but stand really near them knowing it will intimidate the other person, or stare at them from across the room for the same reason. Bullying isn't always physical. Bullies exclude. They try to make you be outside the group or separate you from people they know are your friends. They try to humiliate you in front of other people. They gossip about you or send people who they have influence over to do their dirty work of saying mean things so they get out of being blamed for it. If you are being bullied, the bully wants you to be scared, to not do something about it, to feel like you will look stupid if you admit that someone is making you feel bad.

I used to be embarrassed to talk about the experiences I have had with bullying, at different times by different people in the past, because I thought it made me look like I am weak, or maybe I had done something wrong. I am not a perfect person, that is for sure, but NO ONE deserves to be bullied, pushed around, or being made to feel like they are made fun of or are less than other people. It affected my self-esteem and I had to work very hard to move past the hurt feelings and even fear that I felt from it. I also had to work hard to stand up for myself, and not back down to pressure to change what I believed and what I knew was right.

So recently when I had a scary experience where someone bullied me I really learned something.

It was totally unexpected and really aggressive physically and verbally. I was very lucky to have people around me who saw what was going on and stepped in to help me. But when it was happening, and even after, I also felt different in some ways than I did in the past. I was definitely upset and scared, but I knew that I had to be brave. That didn't mean I had to be like a robot and not show my emotions, because I did cry, but pretty much I had to keep my cool and tell the bully to NOT treat me that way and to STOP what the person was doing. I needed for myself and for others to see that I valued myself enough to be an example of being strong. I knew that NO ONE has the right to take away the positive self-image I have worked so hard to build. And so that's what I did, I just kept saying stop, the best I could, and telling the person that what they were doing was not okay and that I was not going to be treated that way. The bully also started bullying someone else and I told the bully to stop that too, and that it was not right to treat someone else like that for trying to help me. When it was over, I was very very upset, but I was not afraid to tell adults what had happened and that it was NOT okay. I did not want what happened to me to happen to someone else. I was sad, and angry, but I felt strong and confident and valYOUable too. And, the people that had been around me were also brave and went and told adults about what had happened.

In my heart I really believe that without Self-ValYOU, where I make myself recognize the good things I am doing even when things are hard, I wouldn't have felt strong enough to use my own power to stand up to my bully. And I will always be so grateful for my friends who were also brave enough to Stand Up (some of them actually stood up!) for me when they saw bullying happening. We have to say NO when it happens to us, and when we see it happening to others.

My friend Shayla Montgomery from Oregon is working hard to fight bullying through her program Stand Up. Shayla, this is for you and I hope my story helps other people. #STANDUP 2017 National American Miss Oregon Jr Teen Shayla Montgomery #bebravebeYOUrself